


Am I Good Enough (For You to Love Me Too)?

by hibiren



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Catharsis, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Whump, Fear, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nausea, Panic, Panic Attacks, Reno (Compilation of FFVII)-centric, Rude is a gentleman 100 percent, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Tension, Short One Shot, Showers, Tenderness, Trauma, prior pwp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:22:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiren/pseuds/hibiren
Summary: Rude comforts Reno through a sudden panic attack while they're having sex.
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	Am I Good Enough (For You to Love Me Too)?

**Author's Note:**

> [written while listening to: ["Good Enough" by Evanescence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sbMFi7uKZY&ab_channel=Evanescence-Topic) which is also where I pulled the title from!]
> 
> I saw this scene so clearly in my head, I don't know why it hit me so hard, but I just needed to write it down so that's how this fic happened! In a way I suppose it's thinly-veiled ventfic about my own struggle with my body but.. ahh.. I really feel like Reno has a lot going on in his head when it comes to his past, and sex, and trauma, and recovery. I hope you enjoy the angst! Hehe

Reno screams in pain as he cums, and when Rude stops thrusting into him and instead moves closer, puts a hand on his back to steady him through it, Reno suddenly jerks away and whips his head backward toward his partner; his loose hair is a blurred rush of red. Like blood, dripping into his eyes as he glares, yelling, once he slips Rude’s cock free from inside him,

_“Don’t fucking touch me!”_

It catches Rude off guard, but he gets the message and stands back, arms crossed, watching silently as Reno convulses against the sheets he’s got clutched in a death grip, staining the dark fabric beneath him with several, thick lines of his seed until he’s spent, sweating and panting. Every other breath escapes in a hiss, forcing shudders. Another scream builds steadily as he gasps through each shaky breath, and Rude swears he can see the curve of each of Reno’s ribs pressing prominent against his chest as it heaves wildly in his panic, visible even under several years of scars.

Rude’s still hard - to the point that it would have annoyed him, if this were any other day - but he quickly pushes aside any thoughts of continuing. How could he still want to get off with Reno lying there in front of him on the bed, borderline _sobbing_ and shaking like a kicked mutt?

“You… want some water, partner?” Rude tries, deciding against kneeling at the bedside next to Reno’s head even though it was his instinctive reflex to try. It’d be the fastest way to get a concussion, with the panicked state Reno is in. He knows; he’s been there every time this has happened since they partnered up. Every time, though, it’s something new that seems to set off his buried triggers.

“Get… get the fuck away from me!” Reno shouts, scrambling to the opposite side of the bed and that’s when Rude sees the _look_ in his eyes. It’s that all-too-familiar glaze of distant fear, of painful memories. “Go to hell!”

“Reno…” It’s all Rude can think of to say, as Reno curls up into himself and presses his head against his knees; his hair fans out against his pale skin like a curtain, like it might offer some form of safekeeping from the world. “Reno, I’m sorry - ”

“I said get… get away from me,” Reno mutters, even as his voice breaks like it does when he’s trying to fight back tears. “Just… go… go fuck off for a while. It’s not you, okay? I’m… I just… I need to be alone right now.”

Rude says nothing, but nods when he’s sure Reno is looking at him; there’s a small flash of cerulean, like two bright blue needles piercing through a tangled, burning haystack. He picks up his sunglasses from the table next to the bed, and puts them on. At least now, and with his back turned, he can hope that Reno won’t catch the way he falters as he bends down to pick up his clothes off the floor and bundle them up into a rough pile in his arms. As much as it pains him, he leaves Reno alone in the bedroom and steps out into the hallway. Sometimes, Reno just needs the space.

It takes everything in Rude just to clean himself off and get dressed like everything’s alright. It’s too much effort to take a shower, right now, and he knows that Reno needs the hot water more than he does. He doesn’t bother going back to the bedroom for clean clothes. He paces in the kitchen for a bit, back and forth, focusing on the cold sensation of the floor against his bare feet and the way it creaks beneath his weight; his hands are shoved deep into the pockets of his sweatpants, not because he’s cold, but to keep from punching something.

Eventually, Rude just lays down on their couch and tries to make himself comfortable. He’s just about to doze off when he hears the soft _click_ of the bedroom door opening, and the uneven rhythm of Reno’s footsteps as he makes his way down the hall. Rude thinks about turning over to greet him, but another door opens and quickly closes, before he can move - followed by the recognizable hum of the shower filtering out through the thin walls of their apartment.

Reno would be in there for a while, even if the water turns to ice on him, as it tends to do given their luck with a busted heater. When Reno is like this, he’ll just stand in the shower and scrub his body raw like it’s some kind of ritual, over and over until his skin nearly bleeds. And afterward, always, he’ll approach Rude later with that flicker of shame in his eyes, and ask,

_Hey… can you patch me up a little?_

And Rude always would.

The shower runs for a long time, the gentle thrum of it just constant enough to provide some kind of background noise. Rude loses himself in that, like it pulls him into a trance; a sudden scream has him jolting upright, immediately snapping him out of it.

Rude thanks whatever gods are out there that the bathroom door is unlocked, because he swears he’d have ripped it right off the hinges to get to his partner if he’d needed to.

“Hey, _hey,”_ Rude whispers urgently, pulling the shower curtain aside so he can make sure his partner’s still there.

Reno is curled up on the shower floor as cold water runs over him, and he’s holding his knees in a grip so tight it’s got to be hurting him. He says nothing when Rude turns off the shower - staying silent as Rude hisses out a swear when the icewater rains down on his arms - and still doesn’t speak even as his partner tries to talk him out of his panic, to offer him some comfort.

“I’ve got you,” murmurs Rude, his voice is low and soft. Reno shuts his eyes, groaning like he’s sick, and the way he shifts to clutch his stomach… he lets out a muted gagging noise but swallows it back, and all Rude can do is rub his shoulders and wait. He internally calculates how fast he can sweep all of Reno’s wet hair into his hands, if he needs to (it’s certainly not the first time), but… now, the way Reno’s holding his stomach, slightly uncurled from his tensed position, he just looks like he’s hugging himself. He’s swaying a little, between shivers, and Rude gently pats his partner’s wet back and says,

“You’re shivering,” like it’s not obvious, and Reno even manages a dead, flat, airless laugh in response, “let’s get you out of here, alright? You’ll warm up faster if we can dry you off.”

Reno opens his mouth, slowly, to speak. “I don’t… I don’t need your help. I can get up myself… okay?”

Maybe he’s trying to prove something to Rude, or to himself; he stubbornly pushes away from Rude’s supportive touch and braces against the wall with more effort than he should have needed to stand, and he’s refusing to meet Rude’s eyes as he struggles.

Rude backs off, but he’s still ready to catch Reno if he slips. He’s always there. When Reno finally glances down at him, his gaze flickers away immediately. Even in that split second, Rude sees all the answer he needs.

_Thanks._

Reno takes the towel that Rude offers him and quickly dries off with it, even though he’s still refusing to look at his partner, or at himself, as he runs the towel quickly over his body until he’s dried off enough.

“Let’s get out of here,” Rude suggests, offering Reno a hand. Reno looks at it, really _stares_ at it, but… slowly, cautiously, his fingers intertwine with the extended hand, and Rude turns to open the bathroom door so they can head back to the bedroom. Reno’s hand in his tightens, to keep him from moving too far away. There’s the gentlest of tugs, trying to pull his partner closer. Rude lets himself be moved until he’s standing in front of Reno again. Reno looks small, frail, almost buried beneath the half-wet towel that’s draped heavily over his head and falls down his shoulders.

When Reno steps closer, he slowly wraps his arms around Rude’s waist. There’s a long moment of silence before he breathes in deeply and whispers, his breath warm on Rude’s chest,

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Yeah, I… threw you off like that. You didn’t even get to - ”

Rude cuts him off before he can finish. “Doesn’t matter. Forget about that, okay? I’m not gonna force you.”

Reno’s breath catches, and then, Rude just barely hears his next words,

“…You’re… not?”

“Hell, no. You’re not a - ” Reno flinches, tenses, it almost sounds like he’s starting to choke; Rude immediately corrects himself, “ - no matter what, I’ve got you. I might not have much, but I’ll keep you safe if it kills me. You know that. Don’t you?”

“…Man, I’m not worth all that, but… thanks.”

Rude chuckles as he ruffles the towel over Reno’s wet hair. Reno lets out an irritated grumble, but it’s good-natured, because there’s a little hint of a smirk that Rude catches when he stops moving his hand. Things might be rough now, and the days ahead will surely be even worse, but they’ll always have each other. Neither of them are perfect but they’re good enough for each other. Living in a world that feels like it’s going to fall apart any minute, that’s really all they can ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! If you wanna keep up with me, I'm on twitter as [duskynebula](https://twitter.com/duskynebula)! (there's nsfw stuffs tho, so you've been warned!)


End file.
